Sparks, my german assignment. Let me show you it.

[rdwaynewright]

It's a mess but I really, really tried! The past tense is atrocious and I didn't know all the German words. I was looking up the ones that I didn't know but then remembered that you said grammar was more important so after a while I just left the words that I didn't know in English. Again, it's not very long but I didn't know where to go with it after a point.

It's describing a String from String Theory (physics). Not sure if you're familiar with it but here's the wiki page, which explains it pretty well.

Der kringel von Ablauf sachte in der kalt Holraum geschüttelt, Sie kleine form ueber das All gestrecken. Sie kenne nicht wie Sie bewahrte sich zusammen jetzt auf. Das All einflusst, fast rissen. Sie fuer der tag wenn es betete einhalt aber Sie how viele von sich gemochen bleiben wunder. Sie wollte bleiben aber even jetz Sie ist sehr gestreckt. Es even takes viele work zu ein simple thing gedachte. At times, who Sie ist und was Sie ist, Sie remember nicht. Dass Sie ist heir, Sie remember nicht. Sie thoughts Sie feels fading zu nothing und Sie ist terrified.

Aber in Sie slow thoughts dass Sie is das All Sie remembers. Sie zu hat das All geburt gibt. Sie ist das All. Sie ist die foundation von die particles in die atoms dass die Leute, die Plants, Animals, und die Planets mochte. In der beginning von das All, Sie was sehr small. Sie kommen hat existieren von null und mit musik das All mochten.

Comments

[psychicherz.livejournal.com]

Das ist sehr toll! Ich habe ein Buch von Michio Kaku gelesen. Es handelt von die string theorie und bin ich nicht Gelehrter, aber es war sehr klar. Die string theorie finde ich sehr interessant. :)

[ayaneva.livejournal.com]

OMG I figured out all of that but one word! I had to look up Gelehrter. XDDDD I have the two books by Brian Greene (I practically worship that guy) and the show he did on The Science Channel was abfab. I started reading one of Michio's books but was so busy that I didn't get to finish it before having to return it to the library. I'll check it out again at some point so I can actually read it.

[la-myrtille.livejournal.com]

LOL at the english words! FTW!! we read about the string theori in school so i know ein bisschen ^^ but i must say, it wasn't exactly a simple subject you chose to write about =) aber sehr interesant!

greetings from germany btw^^ (i still haven't found myself a Bill...)(but i have tried some kuchen^^)

[sparks2303.livejournal.com]

First, I have to say that it took me a good half an hour to get that theory. :P
Second, I have to say that your vocab is pretty nice. Yes, I can tell where you looked up words, but still.
Third, I love the story.
Fourth, your use of English words amused me greatly. I know that I told you to do that, but the end result was funnier than I expected. =D
Fifth, let's look at it as German teachers would.

-clears throat-

So. I had a bit of trouble understanding what you wanted to say, but I tried looking at it in different ways, and made corrections where I DID understand. You might want to tell me if I assumed something wrong. But don't give up, we all gotta start somewhere!

Der kringel von Ablauf sachte in der kalt Holraum geschüttelt, Sie kleine form ueber das All gestrecken.

I'm assuming you meant 'kingel' to be an adj? If so, it should say

Der kringerligen Ablauf sachte [if that's the past of 'sitzen', it should be 'saB'] in den kalten Holraum [remember that adjs have to match with the noun. But I didn't find Holraum in the dictionary. Are you sure you spell it like that?] geschuettelt,...

If you meant 'der Kringel' [meaning circle], or 'das Kringeln' [meaning the circling] it should be

Der/das Ablaufkringel/n [remember that the article belongs to the last word when you're joining two words. Although you shouldn't always believe me when I join two words. I'm not sure you say 'das Ablaufkringeln'. Maybe it's 'den Ablaufs Kringeln' for all I know.] saB in den ...

Then it goes like

Ihre ['her', as opposed to 'she'] kleine Form [nouns are capped] ueber den All [ueber changes the article...]gestreckt [adj].

Sie kenne nicht wie Sie bewahrte sich zusammen jetzt auf.

Sie kennt [fem form. Although, you might want to use 'weiss'. It means 'to know something'. 'Kennen' means 'to know somebody'.] nicht wie sie [you only cap it if you're being polite with an older person. So instead of calling then 'du', you go with the plural, so you say 'Sie'. But that's not the case here.]sich jetzt zusammen aufbewahrt [there isn't really any rule about the split. You just kinda have to learn it, I guess. And if there is... Well. Damn, I worked too hard. >_< And zusammen goes with the verb. It's an adverb.].

Those 2 sentences have different times though. I'm only correcting one sentence at a time now. If we were to look at it as a paragraph, it would be different.

Das All einflusst, fast rissen.

Das All flusst ein, fast reiBend. [just changed it to an adj.]

Sie fuer der tag wenn es betete einhalt aber Sie how viele von sich gemochen bleiben wunder.

Waaaiitt... wut? @__@
I'm gonna take a wee break. I'll be back later with the rest...