First, I have to say that it took me a good half an hour to get that theory. :P Second, I have to say that your vocab is pretty nice. Yes, I can tell where you looked up words, but still. Third, I love the story. Fourth, your use of English words amused me greatly. I know that I told you to do that, but the end result was funnier than I expected. =D Fifth, let's look at it as German teachers would.
-clears throat-
So. I had a bit of trouble understanding what you wanted to say, but I tried looking at it in different ways, and made corrections where I DID understand. You might want to tell me if I assumed something wrong. But don't give up, we all gotta start somewhere!
Der kringel von Ablauf sachte in der kalt Holraum geschüttelt, Sie kleine form ueber das All gestrecken.
I'm assuming you meant 'kingel' to be an adj? If so, it should say
Der kringerligen Ablauf sachte [if that's the past of 'sitzen', it should be 'saB'] in den kalten Holraum [remember that adjs have to match with the noun. But I didn't find Holraum in the dictionary. Are you sure you spell it like that?] geschuettelt,...
If you meant 'der Kringel' [meaning circle], or 'das Kringeln' [meaning the circling] it should be
Der/das Ablaufkringel/n [remember that the article belongs to the last word when you're joining two words. Although you shouldn't always believe me when I join two words. I'm not sure you say 'das Ablaufkringeln'. Maybe it's 'den Ablaufs Kringeln' for all I know.] saB in den ...
Then it goes like
Ihre ['her', as opposed to 'she'] kleine Form [nouns are capped] ueber den All [ueber changes the article...]gestreckt [adj].
Sie kenne nicht wie Sie bewahrte sich zusammen jetzt auf.
Sie kennt [fem form. Although, you might want to use 'weiss'. It means 'to know something'. 'Kennen' means 'to know somebody'.] nicht wie sie [you only cap it if you're being polite with an older person. So instead of calling then 'du', you go with the plural, so you say 'Sie'. But that's not the case here.]sich jetzt zusammen aufbewahrt [there isn't really any rule about the split. You just kinda have to learn it, I guess. And if there is... Well. Damn, I worked too hard. >_< And zusammen goes with the verb. It's an adverb.].
Those 2 sentences have different times though. I'm only correcting one sentence at a time now. If we were to look at it as a paragraph, it would be different.
Das All einflusst, fast rissen.
Das All flusst ein, fast reiBend. [just changed it to an adj.]
Sie fuer der tag wenn es betete einhalt aber Sie how viele von sich gemochen bleiben wunder.
Waaaiitt... wut? @__@ I'm gonna take a wee break. I'll be back later with the rest...
no subject
Second, I have to say that your vocab is pretty nice. Yes, I can tell where you looked up words, but still.
Third, I love the story.
Fourth, your use of English words amused me greatly. I know that I told you to do that, but the end result was funnier than I expected. =D
Fifth, let's look at it as German teachers would.
-clears throat-
So. I had a bit of trouble understanding what you wanted to say, but I tried looking at it in different ways, and made corrections where I DID understand. You might want to tell me if I assumed something wrong. But don't give up, we all gotta start somewhere!
Der kringel von Ablauf sachte in der kalt Holraum geschüttelt, Sie kleine form ueber das All gestrecken.
I'm assuming you meant 'kingel' to be an adj? If so, it should say
Der kringerligen Ablauf sachte [if that's the past of 'sitzen', it should be 'saB'] in den kalten Holraum [remember that adjs have to match with the noun. But I didn't find Holraum in the dictionary. Are you sure you spell it like that?] geschuettelt,...
If you meant 'der Kringel' [meaning circle], or 'das Kringeln' [meaning the circling] it should be
Der/das Ablaufkringel/n [remember that the article belongs to the last word when you're joining two words. Although you shouldn't always believe me when I join two words. I'm not sure you say 'das Ablaufkringeln'. Maybe it's 'den Ablaufs Kringeln' for all I know.] saB in den ...
Then it goes like
Ihre ['her', as opposed to 'she'] kleine Form [nouns are capped] ueber den All [ueber changes the article...]gestreckt [adj].
Sie kenne nicht wie Sie bewahrte sich zusammen jetzt auf.
Sie kennt [fem form. Although, you might want to use 'weiss'. It means 'to know something'. 'Kennen' means 'to know somebody'.] nicht wie sie [you only cap it if you're being polite with an older person. So instead of calling then 'du', you go with the plural, so you say 'Sie'. But that's not the case here.]sich jetzt zusammen aufbewahrt [there isn't really any rule about the split. You just kinda have to learn it, I guess. And if there is... Well. Damn, I worked too hard. >_< And zusammen goes with the verb. It's an adverb.].
Those 2 sentences have different times though. I'm only correcting one sentence at a time now. If we were to look at it as a paragraph, it would be different.
Das All einflusst, fast rissen.
Das All flusst ein, fast reiBend. [just changed it to an adj.]
Sie fuer der tag wenn es betete einhalt aber Sie how viele von sich gemochen bleiben wunder.
Waaaiitt... wut? @__@
I'm gonna take a wee break. I'll be back later with the rest...